This morning was a strange Sunday morning in Long Island. For the last 5 years I have woken up to an alarm on Sundays to head over to the Lily Pad (a 5 min. walk from my house) and be greeted by my favorite people: my yoga students. It was so good to see everybody and I got the feeling that students were happy to see me. We waited all week for this!!! In most cases I knew everyone's bodies, mental fluctuations, family situations, life stress, and favorite yoga clothes. After an hour and 15 minutes of breathing, stretching, and letting go, we would om and open our eyes saluting each other in Namaste. I would wish everyone a great day by name and watch my yoga friends walk out the door in a much more peaceful state.
Today is a different day. I've left the Lily Pad behind to another teacher and I find myself in a strange studio in Stony Brook (a pretty house with gravel driveway) set off from the main road. The room is humid and the floor is wet with sweat. I was told there had been an Ashtanga yoga class just minutes before. The front desk people turned on the A/C in the room stating that the Hatha people didn't like to sweat and were picky about the temperature. I am thinking, "no kidding".....I am not into the sweaty yoga thing either. Minutes later the smell of sweat drifted away and was replaced by normal a/c summery room smell. The students trickled in and I was greeted by smiles but not warmly. The students seemed in shape, 40s and 50s, and serious. My students know that I am anything but serious!
So here I am feeling as if I need to win these yogis over in order for them to be open to the yoga process. I cheerleaded myself on with various phrases, testimonials heard just recently from Cambridge yogis, and the usual mantras. By the end of the class I felt good enough but not amazing. Normally after class, my Cambridge yogis and I talk a bit about whats going on in their lives, what they are up to for the day, and other various small talk. This did not happen. I felt strange, sized up, and NEW.
So what have I learned after all of this? I guess I learned that whoever said I wasn't like other yoga teachers was right. No, I don't think I'm enlightened, above anyone, or an authority on yoga. I feel that my mission is to get people to be more in touch with their hearts and authentic selves. I am learning that not everyone will be open to that and maybe they go to a different teacher. Maybe I haven't found "my" students yet. Maybe that's okay. I'm learning yoga every day and this is not the beginning or the end. This is part of the journey. I am trying hard to be gentle with myself. I'm stepping down from my Lily Pad pedestal and joining the world of the "new teacher' again. It's not easy but it's life.
I miss my Cambridge yogis more than ever. What joy we've created together. What openness and friendliness. I am so proud of all of my Cambridge students and of our community. But as yogis I guess we are all in this together and no matter where you go you'll find the teacher is always you.
Namaste!!
Love,
Natalie
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